So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
