you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
