i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
time to smoke my breakfast
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
