no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
