I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
