So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
