i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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