we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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