i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
