Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
