Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
