he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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