He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
