Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
