Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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