I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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