Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
