he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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