my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
