Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
third nipple confirmed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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