Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
