do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
