so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
