she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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