Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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