i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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