They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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