Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
