So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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