Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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