that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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