I'm jealous of your bromance
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
