Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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