Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
