Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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