Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
two words...techno handjob
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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