Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
