I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
