is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
