Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
