Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
