Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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