I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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