I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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