Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
