I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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