They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
