new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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