she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
