So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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