Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
