i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
