Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
