Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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