Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
