I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
