Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
