I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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