U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
